were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
