college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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