we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
