When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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