You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
