no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
