So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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