i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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