We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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