he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
