small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
