I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
