Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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