So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
