my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it