Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
