Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
