So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So much rum. So many feels.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
