why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
