His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
