i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
