i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize