It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
