the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
