had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
