So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
