hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Houston, we have a squirter
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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