Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
