so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
