I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
COCAINE IS GR8
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
