So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
