i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We have started to decorate penises.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
