shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
