I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
