Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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