Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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