I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
