I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He kissed a someone with a penis
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
