i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize
