i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
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you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
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So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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