I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
