Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
