He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
