Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I am available for nakedness
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
