I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
