put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
