I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
