I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
