did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
the liver wants what the liver wants
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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