I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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