dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
