i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Too much gin, very little bucket
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
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