You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
