before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
